In which I solve the College Football Champion determination conundrum

www.buttcracksandwich.blogspot.com

It is no coincidence that the phrase Butt Crack Sandwich and Bowl Championship Series share the same abbreviation.  The Bowl Championship Series is a Butt Crack Sandwich.

The powers that be are performing reverse alchemy.  Instead of turning gold into lead, the BCS turns College Football into a Cluster Fuck.  So, having provided an airtight solution to the unemployment crisis, I decided to tackle (get it?) a solution to the BCS vs. playoff conundrum in College Football, which may be a worse problem than 20% unemployment.

College Football doesn't have to be a Cluster Fuck at the end of the season.  The sport itself is the greatest sport in the history of the universe.  But when you're sitting there on January the 36th (like the Super Bowl it gets later and later every year) watching Gigantic Power House University vs. Northern Bumfuck Didn't Play Anybody With A Winning Season University, you have to wonder if there isn't a better way.  The following paragraphs provide a comprehensive unrefutable solution to the BCS, and if we work together as Americans used to, we can make this a reality.

Caution:  This will ruffle some feathers, but if it gets me some web traffic, I say let's shred the whole bird.

Step 1:  Who plays who during the regular season.

There are 120 teams in the current BCS system.  All but four teams are in a conference.  So, here's the way this part works.  No more tuneup games or gimme games where GPHU pays NBDPAWAWSU to come get their collective ass whipped.  Each conference can determine their conference champion any way they want to as long as they are done in time to participate in the new system.  So the regular season will be intra-conference play ending with an overall conference champ.  There are 11 conferences.  Fold the four teams into the conferences.  The regular season ends with 11 conference champions.

Step 2:  Playoffs.



I'll keep this up as long as http://www.printyourbrackets.com doesn't send me a cease and desist letter.  Maybe they won't mind because my blog is so popular that it will give them some extra business.

Anyway the solution is obvious.  After the regular season of only conference play, the conference champions can play each other.  If you don't like 11 conferences you can change that, but my solution only affects four independent teams.

What could this mean?  There are advantages and disadvantages to this method depending on how much of a whiner you are.

1. No more stupid preseason polls.  Anybody else that is sick of seeing Ohio State or Miami number one in the preseason poll for no reason will be glad this is over.  Or maybe keep the polls and use it to seed the bracket.  Note:  I've got nothing against Ohio State or Miami, but come on, you know what I'm talking about.


2. Possibly no more traditional rivalries.  This doesn't eliminate rivalries, they just don't mean anything in determination of the National Champion.  If you're a coach, do you really want to go get your team beat up for no reason?  So this does put some traditional rivalries in danger unless they are in the same conference.


3. What about the Rose Bowl?  It's possible that no one will give a shit about the Rose Bowl anymore.  I don't care much about it myself, but this doesn't stop them from playing the Rose Bowl.  Let USC play Michigan or Notre Dame every year.  That's the game everyone wants to see anyway.


4. No more GPHU vs. NBDPAWAWSU late in the season.


5. No more commentary about whether or not NBDPAWAWSU is for real.  Enough already!


6. Other

Step 3:  So you've got a complaint and a solution and some advantages/disadvantages.  We all know that the big money just ain't gonna go for this.  Well, the staff here at buttcracksandwich have a solution for that, too.  And Gandhi showed us the way.  And it will be hard.  Especially if you expect your team to do well this year.  The answer:  If this is really that important to you, boycott the Bowl Champion Series on television this year.  If no one watches a single BCS game on television (fans should still go to the games, support your team in person) then the BCS will fold quicker than a, ummm, well, something that folds quickly.  If this is really that important to you.

So there you go.  If you like this or hate it, please leave a comment.  Just click my sponsors ads on the way out.  And I'm sorry about using the F word so much.  I was raised better.

P.S.  To College Football fans:  If you don't solve this, could you please stop talking about the BCS vs. playoffs? It's really boring.