Things are going really well lately. A lot of that may be attitude, but I have to say that I'm having more than my usual share of blessings the last few weeks. I'm very thankful for the chances I've had, and I'm thankful knowing that there are more opportunities to come.
You may be thinking, "Way to go, jackass, what about the rest of us? We're still slogging away, getting nowhere, knowing that nothing of much consequence will ever happen again, and it never did before anyway, so take your positive attitude and cram it."
Well, I'm not here to just say things are great with me, although they are right now. And believe me, experience has taught me to look tentatively over my shoulder at some future imminent unknown mayhem coming my way. I have been low many times before, and I'll be low again, and we all know how this game ends. But NOW is so wonderful. I don't want to waste any experience or fail to value whatever human beings are in my life at this particular moment.
So what's the secret? I think this little wave of OK-ness started back in February during my annual physical exam. Besides the obvious joy of not being subjected to a digital rectal exam this year, my doctor asked me a throwaway question, something like, "So, anything else you want to tell me?"
I replied, "Well, Doc, I am bone-tired all of the time. Just can't seem to get going."
"Well, why don't we schedule a sleep study, maybe you're not getting enough rest."
He was dead on. I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea. Apparently, I had a semi-awakening 37 times per hour. The sleep doctor said that was like having someone sit by the bed and choke you every minute and a half or so, you just don't know they are there. And they choke you all night long. After a while, it really gets to you. No amount of sleep is enough. I couldn't think straight, stay awake without coffee, and I was on a slow train to a heart attack or stroke.
I very nearly cried (not really because I'm a serious hard-ass) when I found out I could do something for my constant fatigue. I was eager to get my CPAP machine and looked forward to a good night's rest every night. I didn't really know how good that was until the last two nights when Irene knocked the power out. I didn't have my blessed breathing machine. Just two days, and the old fatigue started showing up again. I didn't want to get up this morning. The power came back last night at 2:15 AM, and I did get a few hours of CPAP sleep, but it wasn't enough for the deficit I had already accumulated. So, tonight, while waiting for the sleepy feeling, I was compelled to write about happiness and maybe think about what has me up lately. I attribute it to a willingness to find a solution, and having found a solution, to embrace the solution fully. Of course, this health change is coupled with some other serendipitous events and attitude changes, but I believe it set me up for more good down the road.
What is bringing you down? Find out what it is and try to fix it, even if you think it's no big deal. Then watch in amazement as the doors start to open again.
I apologize for the first world problem nature of this particular blog. I wish everyone in the world just had these sorts of issues to deal with. There's no comparison to a person living with war, hunger, disease, rape, and oppression on a daily basis. We're damn lucky to live in this country and to have what we do. Let's try to make ourselves worthy of the blessings given to us.
8/30/2011
You may be thinking, "Way to go, jackass, what about the rest of us? We're still slogging away, getting nowhere, knowing that nothing of much consequence will ever happen again, and it never did before anyway, so take your positive attitude and cram it."
Well, I'm not here to just say things are great with me, although they are right now. And believe me, experience has taught me to look tentatively over my shoulder at some future imminent unknown mayhem coming my way. I have been low many times before, and I'll be low again, and we all know how this game ends. But NOW is so wonderful. I don't want to waste any experience or fail to value whatever human beings are in my life at this particular moment.
So what's the secret? I think this little wave of OK-ness started back in February during my annual physical exam. Besides the obvious joy of not being subjected to a digital rectal exam this year, my doctor asked me a throwaway question, something like, "So, anything else you want to tell me?"
I replied, "Well, Doc, I am bone-tired all of the time. Just can't seem to get going."
"Well, why don't we schedule a sleep study, maybe you're not getting enough rest."
He was dead on. I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea. Apparently, I had a semi-awakening 37 times per hour. The sleep doctor said that was like having someone sit by the bed and choke you every minute and a half or so, you just don't know they are there. And they choke you all night long. After a while, it really gets to you. No amount of sleep is enough. I couldn't think straight, stay awake without coffee, and I was on a slow train to a heart attack or stroke.
I very nearly cried (not really because I'm a serious hard-ass) when I found out I could do something for my constant fatigue. I was eager to get my CPAP machine and looked forward to a good night's rest every night. I didn't really know how good that was until the last two nights when Irene knocked the power out. I didn't have my blessed breathing machine. Just two days, and the old fatigue started showing up again. I didn't want to get up this morning. The power came back last night at 2:15 AM, and I did get a few hours of CPAP sleep, but it wasn't enough for the deficit I had already accumulated. So, tonight, while waiting for the sleepy feeling, I was compelled to write about happiness and maybe think about what has me up lately. I attribute it to a willingness to find a solution, and having found a solution, to embrace the solution fully. Of course, this health change is coupled with some other serendipitous events and attitude changes, but I believe it set me up for more good down the road.
What is bringing you down? Find out what it is and try to fix it, even if you think it's no big deal. Then watch in amazement as the doors start to open again.
I apologize for the first world problem nature of this particular blog. I wish everyone in the world just had these sorts of issues to deal with. There's no comparison to a person living with war, hunger, disease, rape, and oppression on a daily basis. We're damn lucky to live in this country and to have what we do. Let's try to make ourselves worthy of the blessings given to us.
8/30/2011
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